The INDISPUTABLE Ranking Of The Most Bangeable World Cup Players From Each Country
Buzzfeed recently made a list of the hottest world cup players from each country, but two girls were not satisfied by this mediocre list. These girls are experts because their sole purpose in watching the World Cup (and in life) is to fawn over these hunky walls of man muscle. They may or may not have already planned their joint wedding to Gerard Piqué.
1. BRAZIL- Oscar
I have no idea if Oscar is his first name or his last name or whatever, but I do know that this boy is cuter than a teacup pig. And that’s saying a lot.
3. MEXICO- Raúl Jiménez
Why don&8217;t you just sharpen a knife with those perfect cheekbones and stab it into my heart, Raúl? Because that&8217;s basically how I feel when I look at a picture of you.
Olympic rings? I have another type of ring in mind, Raúl. Put it on me.
5. CROATIA- Vedran Corluka
THIS FACE IS SO CUTE IT HURTS I have to move on to the next post now, I can&8217;t take the pain.
7. CAMEROON- Joel Matip
Look at that smile. LOOK AT IT.
I can&8217;t tell if he&8217;s being sassy or sexy here, but either way, I can dig it.
9. NETHERLANDS- Michael Vorm
Between the coiffed hair, the slight stubble, and the fact that he&8217;s licking his lips, I am unsure how to react to this picture other than fainting so I probably won&8217;t finish this sente
&8220;Ladies, settle down. There&8217;s more than enough of me to go around.&8221;
11. CHILE- Miiko Albornoz
RUN TO ME YOU BEAUTIFUL THING. RUN TO ME WITH OPEN ARMS.
13. AUSRTALIA- Mathew Leckie
It&8217;s really too bad that Australia&8217;s been knocked out already, I&8217;m gonna miss this one.
&8220;I&8217;m the #1 hottest guy on the Australian team! Go me!&8221;
15. SPAIN- Gerard Piqué
I actually take personal offense to the fact that Piqué was not named Spain&8217;s hottest footballer on Buzzfeed&8217;s list. In what world is ANY PERSON AT ALL hotter than Piqué? Not this world. Not this one.
Why bother holding your shirt up with your teeth, Gerard? No one wants your shirt on. Seriously. You know what, just go ahead and burn all of the shirts you own because NO ONE WANTS YOU TO WEAR SHIRTS
There are no words so I&8217;m not even going to try on this one
18. COLOMBIA- James Rodriguez
What I wouldn&8217;t give to cop a feel on those pecs. That&8217;s what he&8217;s doing, right? No?
James smells his own clothes on the daily because that&8217;s just how great his musk smells.
20. IVORY COAST- Serge Aurier
I&8217;m SERGE-ing with desire for him
Wow that was such a bad pun and I apologize
Rumor has it Serge can make girls faint on the spot by giving them this fierce look
22. JAPAN- Eiji Kawashima
This adorable goalkeeper may not let you score on the field, but maybe he&8217;ll let you score into his HEART
Eiji will be back, his planet needs him.
24. GREECE- Orestis Karnezis
Can we ORESTis him for being too cute? That was the last bad pun I swear I&8217;ll never do it again
o-REST-is your eyes on the beauty that is Orestis Karnezis.
Okay I swear THAT pun was the last. You have my word.
26. COSTA RICA- Patrick Pemberton
Okay seriously, what is it with goalkeepers and being impossibly beautiful? LOOK AT THAT BONE STRUCTURE. JUST LOOK AT IT AND KEEP LOOKING AT IT.
27. ITALY- Claudio Marchisio
no. NO. NONONONO do you understand that this face is now OUT of the World Cup? Why is elimination based on athletic skill and not degree of hotness?
Look at this- those glasses are so stupid and yet he looks so bang-eable.
30. URUGUAY- Edinson Cavani
Normally that hair would be an automatic elimination (from my list, not the World Cup, I don&8217;t think) but Edinson rocks the flow
32. ENGLAND- Steven Gerrard
That smolder and classy getup is reminiscent of James Bond. I&8217;d like to BOND myself to him if ya know what I mean okay seriously I&8217;m sorry that was such a stretch
And this is how happy I would be if Steven loved me.
34. FRANCE- Olivier Giroud
It is illegal to be that hot. We&8217;ll just have to put him in handcuffs. He doesn&8217;t need those to play soccer anyway
Like seriously, he did this and it was still somehow really, really hot.
36. SWITZERLAND- Fabian Schaer
Who knew a hoodie could look so sexy? However, it would look much sexier if it was on the floor.
Fabian is picking up on my hints. No shirts allowed here. Ball that crap up and throw it away for good.
38. ECUADOR- Gabriel Achilier
My ACHILIERs-heel is Gabriel Achilier.
Did you seriously think the puns were over?
Why yes, hello
40. HONDURAS- Victor Bernardez
Only Victor can look hot while cleaning out his ears on a soccer field
This is kind of scary but weirdly enough I&8217;m digging it
42. ARGENTINA- Ezequiel Lavezzi
Be cuter, Ezequiel, I dare you.
No seriously, there&8217;s a tattoo of Jesus on his chest. But jokes aside, Jesus Christ this man is hot.
44. IRAN- Daniel Davari
Surprise, surprise. Another ridiculously hot goalkeeper. I have never wanted to score so badly.
He is staring into my soul please help
46. NIGERIA- John Obi Mikel
Tried really hard to come up with a pun for this one but failed. I&8217;m sure you&8217;re all thrilled
Just John flying off of the soccer field since he is an angelic being and has that power yeah
48. BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA- Emir Spahic
Just Emir performing telekinesis on a soccer ball
50. GERMANY- Erik Durm
Because Germany plays the US today (when I wrote this), it was really hard for me to admit that any of the German players were hot but ERIK I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION FOR YOU
&8220;Oh dang, I forgot my shirt again.&8221;
Seriously Erik, it&8217;s okay. I forgive you. We all do.
52. UNITED STATES- Kyle Beckerman
BREAKING NEWS- IT IS POSSIBLE FOR DREADS TO LOOK EXCEEDINGLY ATTRACTIVE
This logically makes no sense but Kyle looks hot in a suit and dreads with a soccer ball. Like, hot. REALLY. HOT.
54. GHANA- Asamoah Gyan
When are you GHANA give me some Asa-MOAH of Asamoah?
Did that even make sense? Or do those puns only work in my head? Whatever
Asamoah gettin&8217; real upset that he and I will never be together I feel ya bro
56. PORTUGAL- Miguel Veloso
That&8217;s right. Miguel is hotter than Cristiano Ronaldo (who looks like he should be a cast member on the Jersey Shore).
Can I be your PortuGAL, Miguel?
I ain&8217;t even sorry.
58. BELGIUM- Nacer Chadli
This is even worse than the last picture. Thank God I&8217;m almost at the end of this post because I really cannot handle this anymore
60. KOREA REPUBLIC- Yun Sukyoung
Because he&8217;s cute I will try to get past the fact that his name sounds like &8220;Young Suck Young&8221; because that kind of scares me a little