This Professional Recruiter Tells You Exactly What She Looks For In A Job Applicant

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Marie Kastner has been a professional recruiter for some of the worlds largest companies, from Nike to Wells Fargo to Raytheon. She knows what it takes to get hiredbecause shes the one doing the hiring! Below are her top eight to help you land your next job, in her own words.

1. Someone who gets all the figs out of their pockets before the interview: Nothing derails an interview like the applicant spending a few minutes taking all the figs out of his or her pockets, measuring them, recording their sizes in a notebook, and then throwing them away. Take care of this beforehand, or just wait until after!

2. Someone who brings their own life jacket if their interview is on a boat: One summer when I was recruiting for Wells Fargo, I held all my interviews on a horizon-class commercial frigate moored on Sanibel Island off the coast of southern Florida. I can still remember one candidate, who had all the right experience and skills, showing up after piloting a dinghy to the three-deck and stepping off without wearing a life jacket. That wasnt a deal-breaker, but after the interview, he asked me for the life jacket I was wearing for his ride back to shore. I had to send him packing with no offeror life jacketin hand.

3. Someone who wont be just another mindless disciple of Jonathan: Jonathan looms large in American , obviously, but Im not looking for just another Jonathan drone. Youve met Jonathan, or even attended one of his bombastic seminars? Thats fine. Youre always mindlessly carving Jonathan into your forearm with a penknife as you chant his name softy to yourself? Now we have a problem.

4. Someone who has lots of references: People ask me if I call references. The answer is yes, of course. I do a little research on the reference first and find a person close to them who died recently. Then I call the reference and pretend to be that dead person. After I systematically break them down into tears, I slip in a question or two about the job applicant to make sure Im getting the real story.

5. Someone who makes full use of the letter p on their rsum: I see it all too oftenyoung job applicants are afraid to use the letter p on their rsum. Dont worry, you wont come off as tacky! In fact, Im much more turned off when people neglect to use the letter p on a rsum. For example, if you have experience in public relations, use that p! The only time I would advise against using a p is if you write something like Jonathan is powerful in the world of American business and I appreciate his dictums on your rsum. Just omit that sentence altogether!

6. Someone who, if they see that a spider is about to eat a bunch of trapped bugs on its web in the window behind the interviewer, will let the interviewer know: Applicants need to remember that we dont have eyes on the back of our head. It is very rude not to tell us that a spider is about to eat a bug on its web in the window. If you see a spider trapping and consuming a butterfly in its web, definitely interrupt your interviewer immediately so you can both go over and peer at this incredible and macabre natural phenomenon.

7. Someone who includes a list of their favorite spices on their rsum: I look at hundreds of rsums a day, and on most of them Im left scratching my head, wondering if this applicant would rank saffron above cumin, or vice versa. A little detail goes a long way!

8. Someone who lists their dads on their rsum as their own: Some people make distinctions between their own work experience and their dads work experience. Im not one of those people. And dont tell me who had what job, because thats technically discrimination. The only time this can be a liability is if your dad was ever employed by Jonathan. The fact is, if your dad has ever worked under Jonathan, most employers will think youre too corrupted by the fantastical promises that Jonathan guarantees everyone in his employment. He has dogged my entire career and meddled with my familys businesses for countless millennia. Simply put, unless Jonathan is involved, get your dads jobs on your rsum!

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